hardly any of my pictures turned out, so I made this
Yesterday was the first warm day of the year and that sparked something in me. I ventured in the woods, in this somewhat hidden place I discovered last autumn, and I got undressed. At first I was nervous that someone might discover me but once I was certain was alone I felt so comfortable in my own skin amidst the forest that it felt, well, natural. I already wrote about it on my tumblr yesterday but I hope you don’t mind that I put it here it too. It describes the way it felt so perfectly.
There is this deep level of belonging, right there, with my feet sinking in the soft and wet of the moss, the sun kissing my skin, the wind whispering to my body, the birds and insects continuing their existence despite me, with me. It feels so natural, so right. It’s a time when I’m truly one with the universe. It doesn’t feel like exposing myself to something. It feels like returning home, undressing all that is unnecessary and embracing my existence in such a raw, honest and basic way. This experience makes me fantasize about so many things, of which perhaps the most impossible and the one I crave the most is running to the forest and never coming back. That sentence right there has been stuck in my head for years. This image, this fantasy of leaving society, even humanity, to sleep on moss, climb in trees, eat berries and drink from ponds and streams and cupped palms full of rainwater, greet the bark of trees like home, become a creature of the forest, run with the wolves. Run.
I don’t know why being among nature resonates with me in such a deep, strange and almost absurd way. Perhaps it’s because we’re all part of nature in one way or another. Perhaps because I grew up in the woods, always surrounded by nature. Perhaps because it’s my escape, my daydream, my haven, a retreat from reality. It’s all that and more.
There’s so much more I could add, for nature never ceases to stir and inspire me, but this is not the place. I know, Lioness, that I have a habit of writing long captions and I think perhaps sometimes it would be better to leave things unsaid and let the photos speak for themselves. But some things I need to let out. I still have this absurd longing and craving for becoming part of the forest. Perhaps I devour too much fantasy and mythology or perhaps I’m just an old soul longing to be free and wild. I think I just ought stop thinking about the reasons and embrace this strange part of myself like the rest.
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”
give me this body shape
She’s like a black sausage with arms.